thoughts & ramblings

9:51am: i don't want to be your regret, i want to be your cocoon


if i'm being an idiot right now, i need someone to stop me.

otherwise, i think i may crash.

4:54pm: i wish i had a river i could skate away on


it's funny how one or two people can easily fuck up not only your day, but your entire week.

3:31am: put your hands on the wheel, let the golden age begin

it came two days ago.  a pretty thick envelope.  i already knew what it said.  i mean, i’ve known since friday and this was just a formality.  but here it was, in my face: tuition fees drawn up especially for me, a letter to the French consulate in san francisco for my visa, information for obtaining French medical coverage, a list of supplies for classes, a list of all the paperwork i’ll need to register, a metro map, my actual acceptance letter.  a couple days of floating around in a state of half-disbelief came down to a reality check: i’m moving to paris.

 

i was thinking about this when i was driving to dublin monday evening.  this route that is so familiar to me i could drive it blindfolded…i love driving over the sunol grade, especially during that time just after the sun dips below the horizon line of the hills.  in photography, we call this the magic minute.  how many magic minutes have i gone through just on that small stretch of mile.  i realized that a year from now, i won’t even be here to drive that…that i will not have driven a car in months.  all this change is ahead…this experience will undoubtedly change me and i wonder how different things will be when i return, whenever that may be. 

 

i just finished separating my clothes for laundry and packing.  in one short month, i’ll leave san jose and this house behind.  i have so many memories here…it’s fucking crazy what life churns out for you.  everything happens for a reason, i truly believe that.  i’m starting to think that the obstacles and headaches and heartbreaks that come into your life lead you to something even bigger, better, greater.  my life, the life that i truly want, is starting.  i’m taking the next step, making the leap of faith and hoping in the end, even if i don’t land exactly where i want, the journey was worth everything. 

 

this is it.

1:54pm: just 'cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there
i can finally breathe.

time and distance:  two things that can repair or break.

i feel better today, although not forgetful of the past few days.

my mini "vacation" was just what i needed.  sigh.  i always feel better when i'm here.

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gonna go out shooting in a little.  it's a beautiful day.

4:24pm: lightbulb moments

And if a day goes by without my doing something related to photography, it’s as though I’ve neglected something essential to my existence, as though I had forgotten to wake up.  I know the accident of my being a photographer has made my life possible.

 

                                                                                    ~Richard Avedon

12:08am: the 7-sampler
being drunk is, like, sooooo unclassy.